Post by talk2santosh on Feb 8, 2004 5:23:59 GMT -5
www.shaadi.com/love-relationships/inf-double-income-040202.php
Double Income, No Insecurity
Do husbands feel threatened by successful wives?
Insecurity! It is a feeling many Indian men are leaving behind in a rapid, evolutionary leap. Or so it seems, as I speak to a few of them. I wonder if I am listening to carefully orchestrated responses to consciously project a new-age image. Is it really true then, that the Indian man doesn't mind his wife doing better than him, professionally? Does it really not hurt his ego or self-confidence to marry someone better-qualified and who earns much more than him?
Sharing the spoils
Ganesh Lakshmanan, working as a senior business development manager for Gulf Times in Qatar is one such person, who has taken a backseat in their marriage when it comes to earning. As the market realities in Qatar would have it, Divya, his secretary-wife is paid much higher than him. But that does not bother him. “We were friends first then we became man and wife, so these things don't matter,” he says. “We have lot of friends where the wife earns more than the husband. I don't have a problem with it. I am aware that we contribute equally to maintain our lifestyle.”
Sinhalese journalist, Bandula Jayasekara, 40, residing in Sri Lanka echoes the sentiment. His responses are dominated by the phrase, “it's about sharing”. Independent businessman, Simon not only believes in marriage as a relationship of equals but takes immense pride in his wife's talent and ability. All these men think nothing about sharing household chores; they see it as a natural practical requirement. They believe in sharing every job from child rearing to toilet-cleaning to cooking.
Meeting aspirations together
The modern man from the Indian sub-continent is fast coming to terms with the changing realities of the new world, the new economy. The truth is that we live in a materialistic India that is enjoying the fruits of a liberalised economy for the first time in its modern history. In the past decade words like “wealth”, “money” and “riches” have been shedding their evil connotations. Families today prefer to live it up rather than wait patiently, forever, for things to come their way. One way to ensure that is a double-income household. On the other side, is the reality of the changing woman; her desire to step beyond the hearth and win due monetary compensations for her talent.
Of course, it isn't as if all of India transformed one fine day. There is some fine print here that you cannot afford to miss. For instance, Ganesh and Simon live in a foreign country. Away from home, without the constraints of the Indian ethos they get to do things the global way without any erosion of self-esteem.
Dividing domestic chores
Simon spent his growing years abroad and saw his parents share all household duties. The scenario was repeated with his wife who worked shoulder to shoulder to augment the family fortunes. But the same parents thought him a wimp - someone who was scared of his wife, when he shared the domestic responsibilities. He was shocked at their reaction, because thus far he had assumed that it was the most natural thing to do. He admits that he did get a little taken in by his parents and tried to throw his weight around. “If I had lived on my own, things would have been different,” he assuages his guilt.
Ganesh reasons, “The thinking and attitude here (in Qatar) is different. Probably, if we had continued to live in India, things could have been different. Though, I cannot fathom how it would have been. Helping out with the dishes or rustling up a meal appears routine to any man living in the modern world, but in India it may come as a shock to his parents.”
‘Not a man enough’
Bandula’s is an interesting case study as he represents the extended sub-continental views. A 40 year old bachelor, he is afflicted by the “eternal Peter Pan syndrome” of being always in love. He has had his share of relationships, but has not been tied down yet. Widely-travelled, he is very open-minded and cannot imagine a scenario where his partner is “lesser” than him in any way.
Though this is the profile of the men we may desire to meet most, their number is miniscule. Then too, many men seem to be almost there, but not quite. They are aware that given the pressures of the modern-day workplaces, it is a boon to have another income. But many of them who still live with their parents feel the pressure to “be a man” which can, ironically, weaken their broad-minded resolve.
Husband wears the pants
Psychoanalysts and social scientists, however feel that families tend to promote the male as head of the family even if he isn't a better performer. This is so the world over irrespective of the geographical barriers and that seems to give it certain legitimacy. At least, Ganesh seems to think so. Even women who are doing very well professionally, often take pride in statements like: “we don't need my income”, “my income is just pocket-money, an add-on”, “my husband keeps us very well” and so on.
Homemaker first
But what is the career-savvy woman’s take on this? Interestingly, though the modern Indian woman wants to go out and work she is not in a tearing hurry to be the bread-winner of the family. Most women are comfortable with being the secondary income-earners. They believe their primary responsibility is running the home and bringing up children. They prefer the option of leaving their jobs when the children come.
Says Divya: “I expect to be treated with love and respect, but I believe that the man of the house should always be the one in command. I believe, that our relationship is built on love, trust and understanding. Money and monetary issues are of secondary importance. The salary we draw is not the measure of how much we respect each other.” But, Divya expects that her husband chip in with the household chores, of course!
Both, men and women, seem to be gingerly stepping out of their gender roles in the modern context of the Indian society. Thus far, it seems to be going well. But someone ought to ask the in-laws what they think!
Nainu Amanat
Share your views by replying to the topic...
Double Income, No Insecurity
Do husbands feel threatened by successful wives?
Insecurity! It is a feeling many Indian men are leaving behind in a rapid, evolutionary leap. Or so it seems, as I speak to a few of them. I wonder if I am listening to carefully orchestrated responses to consciously project a new-age image. Is it really true then, that the Indian man doesn't mind his wife doing better than him, professionally? Does it really not hurt his ego or self-confidence to marry someone better-qualified and who earns much more than him?
Sharing the spoils
Ganesh Lakshmanan, working as a senior business development manager for Gulf Times in Qatar is one such person, who has taken a backseat in their marriage when it comes to earning. As the market realities in Qatar would have it, Divya, his secretary-wife is paid much higher than him. But that does not bother him. “We were friends first then we became man and wife, so these things don't matter,” he says. “We have lot of friends where the wife earns more than the husband. I don't have a problem with it. I am aware that we contribute equally to maintain our lifestyle.”
Sinhalese journalist, Bandula Jayasekara, 40, residing in Sri Lanka echoes the sentiment. His responses are dominated by the phrase, “it's about sharing”. Independent businessman, Simon not only believes in marriage as a relationship of equals but takes immense pride in his wife's talent and ability. All these men think nothing about sharing household chores; they see it as a natural practical requirement. They believe in sharing every job from child rearing to toilet-cleaning to cooking.
Meeting aspirations together
The modern man from the Indian sub-continent is fast coming to terms with the changing realities of the new world, the new economy. The truth is that we live in a materialistic India that is enjoying the fruits of a liberalised economy for the first time in its modern history. In the past decade words like “wealth”, “money” and “riches” have been shedding their evil connotations. Families today prefer to live it up rather than wait patiently, forever, for things to come their way. One way to ensure that is a double-income household. On the other side, is the reality of the changing woman; her desire to step beyond the hearth and win due monetary compensations for her talent.
Of course, it isn't as if all of India transformed one fine day. There is some fine print here that you cannot afford to miss. For instance, Ganesh and Simon live in a foreign country. Away from home, without the constraints of the Indian ethos they get to do things the global way without any erosion of self-esteem.
Dividing domestic chores
Simon spent his growing years abroad and saw his parents share all household duties. The scenario was repeated with his wife who worked shoulder to shoulder to augment the family fortunes. But the same parents thought him a wimp - someone who was scared of his wife, when he shared the domestic responsibilities. He was shocked at their reaction, because thus far he had assumed that it was the most natural thing to do. He admits that he did get a little taken in by his parents and tried to throw his weight around. “If I had lived on my own, things would have been different,” he assuages his guilt.
Ganesh reasons, “The thinking and attitude here (in Qatar) is different. Probably, if we had continued to live in India, things could have been different. Though, I cannot fathom how it would have been. Helping out with the dishes or rustling up a meal appears routine to any man living in the modern world, but in India it may come as a shock to his parents.”
‘Not a man enough’
Bandula’s is an interesting case study as he represents the extended sub-continental views. A 40 year old bachelor, he is afflicted by the “eternal Peter Pan syndrome” of being always in love. He has had his share of relationships, but has not been tied down yet. Widely-travelled, he is very open-minded and cannot imagine a scenario where his partner is “lesser” than him in any way.
Though this is the profile of the men we may desire to meet most, their number is miniscule. Then too, many men seem to be almost there, but not quite. They are aware that given the pressures of the modern-day workplaces, it is a boon to have another income. But many of them who still live with their parents feel the pressure to “be a man” which can, ironically, weaken their broad-minded resolve.
Husband wears the pants
Psychoanalysts and social scientists, however feel that families tend to promote the male as head of the family even if he isn't a better performer. This is so the world over irrespective of the geographical barriers and that seems to give it certain legitimacy. At least, Ganesh seems to think so. Even women who are doing very well professionally, often take pride in statements like: “we don't need my income”, “my income is just pocket-money, an add-on”, “my husband keeps us very well” and so on.
Homemaker first
But what is the career-savvy woman’s take on this? Interestingly, though the modern Indian woman wants to go out and work she is not in a tearing hurry to be the bread-winner of the family. Most women are comfortable with being the secondary income-earners. They believe their primary responsibility is running the home and bringing up children. They prefer the option of leaving their jobs when the children come.
Says Divya: “I expect to be treated with love and respect, but I believe that the man of the house should always be the one in command. I believe, that our relationship is built on love, trust and understanding. Money and monetary issues are of secondary importance. The salary we draw is not the measure of how much we respect each other.” But, Divya expects that her husband chip in with the household chores, of course!
Both, men and women, seem to be gingerly stepping out of their gender roles in the modern context of the Indian society. Thus far, it seems to be going well. But someone ought to ask the in-laws what they think!
Nainu Amanat
Share your views by replying to the topic...
